Tuesday, September 27, 2011

my wierdness .....

ok so i consider my self mostly country... but.... i also consider my self sorta emo too. kinda sounds like i have an identity crisis... how can my two sides be so opposite? its weird. for instance look at these two pictures of me....


See what i mean?! the thing is... i am more confident when im in the first pic (emo)... but people know me better as the second (country) . i wish there was ahappy medium. maybe if people did not catagorize people all the time i could just be me.

and then i two totally different types of guys. for instance :



i find both of these guys equally sexxxyyyy...

i also love music such as justin moore , jason aldean , etc. all the way to
alesana and blessthefall .

idk what to do?!?!?!?!?!?

Monday, September 26, 2011

oh how i missed you .....

so, i got my phone today!!!! lol oh how i missed having a smart phone! =) facebook! youtube! email! internet! lol yay me !!! lol and its pink! i wonder if i can blog from my phone??? this is something im going to look into

Sunday, September 25, 2011

dreams.............

well for starters... i have been having really wierd dreams lately. the other night i dream about seeing like 3 different car wrecks. my grandpa was in one of them. and he was ok but they cut off the tips of his fingers. (im going to highlight the things im going to seach the meanings of.)
then the next night i dreamed that i woke up and there was a strange family in my house and later in the dream my step dad shot me .... 


interpretations:


Wreck

To dream of a wreck symbolizes barriers and obstacles that stand between you and your goals. You may feel that you are not making any progress and are being held back. Consider what obstacles are present in your waking life.

Crash

To dream of being in a crash or something crashing around you implies that you have finally been able to overcome an obstacle or hardship. It may also symbolize anxieties you have regarding becoming the victim of an accident.


Shot

To dream that you have been shot indicates that you are not holding a very high opinion of yourself. You may have committed an act that causes you humiliation and disgrace. If you are shot and come back as a different person, then it suggests that you need to take a new approach or develop a new outlook. You have a desire to change your ways and transform into someone entirely different
To dream that someone is shooting you with a gun denotes a difficult issue that you are facing. An issue may be making you feel vulnerable and exposed.


Stranger

To dream of a stranger represents an aspect or quality that you refuse to show to others. It may also be suggesting a solution or resolution for an issue that is causing you anxiety.


If you dream that someone broke into your house, you have a sense of being violated. Your personal boundaries has been crossed by someone.




I got these interpretations from http://www.dreamforth.com/

Friday, September 23, 2011

guy at top deck....

well i go to top deck ( a night club ) quite often . the guy who works the door is very hot. i think gis name is dustin..... im not too sure. he was calling me "Blondie" ... lol hehehe and without knowing it i answered  to it... wierd.... but my plan is to get his number eventually....
 man i have a head ache, im at work and there are so many people talking at once it hurts my head.....

Tuesday, September 20, 2011

phones...

well im getting a new phone. im going to get a android again. =) i miss facebook. and having internet at home. the phone im getting is eco friendly too.

this is the phone im getting =) purty color....
plus i save 10.00 a month on my bill for it being "green" wootwoot!

Sunday, September 18, 2011

thoughts about matthews death and grandmas....

well i was just looking thru photos of my grandmas funeral... and i saw matthew in some of em. and i just started thinkin... on that day, who would have ever thought matthew would be gone just a short 4 months later?!?!? my heart hurts so bad. i miss my little matt matt ....

a little background on these thoughts: my grandma died on june 6 , 2010. she was in a car wreck in Marana , AZ. She died at the hospital . then on October 26, 2010 ( 4 months later ) my 4 year old brother died . he would have been 5 two weeks later. he was kicked in the head by a horse. and died at the hospital as well.


matthew is the blond boy in the white shirt. this was at my grandmas grave side.

matthew =)



matthew is the boy in the blue shirt . this was also the week of grams funeral



matthews headstone....

Grandma and Grandpa

Tuesday, September 6, 2011

i found this on "best of craigslist" .... sweet

A letter to my dead girlfriend - m4w


Date: 2009-10-25, 1:36PM CDT


It has been a rough year darling. The ethereal power of Craig�s List will get this message to you I am sure, like in some sort of cheesy 80s movie.

Well back to the last year, you of course died at the beginning of it which put things to a sour start. I spent last night with your mum and dad, we went to that Italian place in Wicker Park, who on the surface seem to be coping. I had everyone get together for my 25th which went well, your ladies are on top form and I think some engagements are brewing. Ellen is turning up the heat on Steve who will soon be forced down to one knee as you predicted.

Last weekend I finally took the step of cleaning out your clothes from the closet, which is very barren now. I invited your friends over to take your what they liked, it was an awkward session. I think they took them more as a favor to me than anything else. Liz cried when we pulled out all of your shoes, Miranda joined in and then Catherine broke down. It was strange to stand in our bedroom surrounded by three crying girls. I made a joke about them crying for joy at the prospect of some free Manolo Balhniks which they didn�t seem to find very funny.

A few girls have put the moves on and as you know picking up women is not a forte of mine. It seems the grieving boyfriend seems to be a good angle. Who knew! I went on one date and spent it talking about you, the poor girl. You would have found it quite witty I think. No other dates to report, I am going against your orders to move on for now.

I found one of those hair tie things that somehow managed to squeeze into every crevice in the apartment. It was under the bed. I sat on the floor holding it and cried. Until then I had held everything together but it just all came flooding out.

Every morning when I wake up I forget for a fraction of a second that you are gone and I reach for you. All I ever find is the cold side of the bed. My eyes settle on the picture of us in Paris, on the bedside table, and I am overjoyed that even though the time was brief I loved you and you loved me.

Love,

P.
 
This message is very sweet to me.... if i were to die i would want my boyfriend to love and miss me like P. misses his gf....
LOS ANGELES, Calif. -- Demi Lovato couldn't escape seeing her ex-boyfriend Joe Jonas after their May 2010 split as they were touring the country together for Disney's "Camp Rock 2," but the 18-year-old actress/singer says the pain of their breakup had little to do with her trip to rehab in October.
"I wouldn't credit my meltdown to a guy," Demi told ELLE magazine in an interview for their September issue. "There was so much other stuff in my life."
PLAY IT NOW: Dish Of Salt: Demi Lovato Talks 2010 AMA Nominations & Miley Cyrus' Music Video Controversy
Since completing a rehabilitation program in Illinois, the young starlet has spoken openly about her battles with childhood bullying, bulimia and self-mutilation - the latter of which quickly sparked derogatory rumors at Miley Cyrus' Sweet 16 in 2008, after Demi was seen with suspicious-looking red scabs on her wrists.
Though the "Skyscraper" singer was not yet ready to face her demons at the time, she now criticizes how the matter was handled by her ex-publicist who claimed the marks were caused by candy jewelry (OMG Yahoo)

http://omg.yahoo.com/news/demi-lovato-says-meltdown-had-little-to-do-with-split-from-joe-jonas/68891


so this article just proves that celebs are just like us...... just make more money....

staying young.... =)

when i was at the grocery store today this lady who looked about 40-something pushes her cart out of the store and as soon as she gets out of the doors she gets a running start and puts both feet on the cart and coasts ( you know, like the thing we did as kids. or what immature boys do) lol this was amusing to me because she was a older lady. i admire her tho... when i am her age i hope i still feel young enough to do this....... =)

Monday, September 5, 2011

missed a day.. oops lol

well , i missed a day of blogging cuz of work was busy. sorry. so im reading this book called "Sam" by Jack Weyland . it is a LDS book. it is amazing. its got me thinking though... its saying that its a commandment to get married... can i help it that i have not met someone who loves me and wants to marry me ?! i dont think that that is right... believe me i do want to get married.. its actually my only dream in life! but finding a good man is quite hard... =( . so god... here is a message." if you want me to get married please send me a good man asap. that way i can keep that commandment" hehe . oh, and speaking of men... my friends mom today suggested i use Match.com lol im only 20 but somehow feel im old....im almost 21... one more month!!! but i would liketo know how others feel about marraige??? comment?

Saturday, September 3, 2011

blog # 2

well i went grocery shopping last night after i got off work at 2am. lol i have to say im NEVER  going to shop during the day again. i spent my money wiser at night =)
     i woke up thinkin about this blog and what i would write... i figure i could just start by telling you about my life. no exxagerations judt the facts. but only the major pionts of my life....... here goes:
i was born on October 5, 1990 at 2:52am . i was born in farmington , nm . my parents are Tondra and
Kevin Murphy.they had my sister delayna when i was 3. then they were divorced when i was 3 as well and he lost custody when i was 5. i have not seen him since then and he lives in the same town as i grew up in (mainly) . his loss i suppose. well then my mom was with timmy and they had my brother quintin. timmy died when i was 8 years old. quintin was 2 months. he was the closest thing i had to a dad. we moved around alot. mainly between grants and farmington. my mom got re married to David Dillon when i was in 8th grade. then they had matthew. i watched him be born. so i always had a strong bond with him. i was 15 when he was born. he passed away this past october. i will explain his death further in my next blog. but that is basically my life ... details and not drama.....hope i didnt bore anyone =) kinda bored my self. hehe.

Friday, September 2, 2011

my first blog ever!-

well , im deciding to start a blog. not too sure why, but i believe i need some way to express my self. im not sure what exactly is the point of my blogging so im sorry in advance if i bore you to death. im just going to say what i feel. first a little about myself... im almost 21, i love horses and dancing. i am Mormon but, im not too sure where my faith is most of the time. im trying to get more active in church. i enrolled in a institute class today and anm going to attend the singles ward. well , i hope someone will find my blog interesting =)...